Photos by Katie Ohman

We all know what it’s like to be a consumer—whether we’re having food delivered, venturing to the grocery store or getting takeout at what was (and hopefully will be again soon) our favorite dine-in restaurant or bakery. But what is it like to be the owner of a food business during these unpredictable times? When Alexis Kelleher, owner of Crust Bakeshop and North Main Provisions in Worcester, asked us if she could share her perspective with our readers, the answer was a resounding yes. Alexis purchased Crust Bakeshop in 2017, having worked there since 2014. In July 2018, she and her partner, Nate Rossi, opened North Main Provisions, a wine and cheese shop, right next door.

Alexis told us how the overwhelming support of her customers and the community has kept her positive and able to retain 100% of her staff. She said, “We are able to keep going from the community support, but we are also supporting the community by bringing comfort and joy through food!”

In her words:

These days I wake up around 6am, which is when the baby wakes up. The baby, Reed, is 6 months old, and we are almost on a schedule. Like any new mother, this schedule has been a learning curve and I feel exhausted, especially in the mornings. Unlike most new parents, this wakeup call is about 3 hours later than the one I had before he was born.

As a baker, I am no stranger to an early morning. I am familiar with that twinge of misery we all feel when we are startled awake. I peel myself out of bed–exhausted–only to be greeted by Reed’s gummy smile, and I am filled with joy.

Before I bought my bakery, Crust Bakeshop, other business owners warned me about being exhausted. When my life and business partner, Nate, and I opened my second business, North Main Provisions, people advised us that having a second business would be exhausting. Every parent I know emphasized the exhaustion that comes with having a newborn! No one, however, could have warned me of the exhaustion I would feel in the midst of a global pandemic.

I don’t think anyone would disagree that the strain of the current health crisis has made everyday tasks a little more challenging. We all have more to worry about. My days were busy before the crisis, and now they are–at times–overwhelming.

With the switch to online ordering at the shops, we have had to change the way we do just about everything. Although I feel like I am constantly repeating our new processes and procedures, I also feel as if most of my days are spent fielding Instagram and Facebook messages, emails about what we are offering or why the phone line is busy or even just thanking us for being open through all of this. Some folks have reached out to my personal social media accounts to ask me questions about the business. At times, it feels like there is no escape.

Stressful as it can be, I am happy to do it. I am truly grateful to be working. I am so happy that my businesses are surviving and that we have customers who care enough to ask the questions so that they can support our business.

Of the many waves of panic and worry I have felt in the last few months, one of the greatest fears came on March 14 when Governor Baker announced new restrictions for businesses in Massachusetts. My initial thought was that my relatively young business would not be able to survive an indefinite blow like this with our already razor-thin margins. I agreed with the measures he was taking, but my heart was breaking as it felt like the future of my business was slipping through my fingertips. I reached out to friends who are also business owners to commiserate and brainstorm how we would make it through this. Nate and I strategized on how we could change the way we did business to keep our staff and guests safe. Safety was paramount to us as we knew we would continue to be at work, and we needed to protect the safety of our baby when we came home to him.

We made changes as fast as we could. My primary goal became retaining my whole team while striving to keep them safe. I feel like I dug deep and awakened a piece of myself that I didn’t know I had. Perhaps my new maternal instincts were extending to my employees, as I felt it was my duty to protect their livelihood and their health at all costs. With that motivation I really began springing into action. I took some risks. I stopped second guessing myself so much. I started to green light projects I had been painstakingly belaboring over for weeks, months, even years! I began to draw a lot of attention to our social media page to try and promote our business. I spent my days–at home with the baby–sending frantic, yet prudent, messages of encouragement, guidance and analytics to my team.

Navigating these ever-changing waters has been a whirlwind. Did I mention it has been exhausting? I–like so many other people around the globe–have been on the strangest emotional rollercoaster. Low lows and guilt-ridden highs.

What makes it all worth it? The support of our customers. The positive messages from them and their appreciation, encouragement and their gratitude.

The joy people have derived from our offerings has given me so much strength. Knowing that I can bring people comfort and happiness brings me a level of satisfaction I have been chasing ever since I baked the first thing that someone told me they thought was delicious.

The support for small businesses has been tremendous. I feel especially fortunate to be a business owner in Worcester, where people appreciate their small community. I know many other small business owners in and around Worcester feel the same way. We would not be here without the tremendous support of our community.

It is hard to summarize my emotions. I think I am feeling what so many of us are feeling. Ambiguity is part of our new normal. Everything seems to have some give and take. I am appreciative to have the time at home with my baby without feeling guilty for not working–but I also miss having childcare a few hours a week to allow me uninterrupted time to work during the day. I miss going out to eat, but I secretly love being forced to stay home and decompress with a glass of wine while I cook a comforting meal. I am excited about the level of creativity my team has achieved due to the shifting market, but I wish we had been able to unlock this potential under different circumstances. I am grateful that we haven’t had to cut back labor hours, but I am sad that so many millions of people are unemployed.

These conflicting emotions within myself run parallel in my inner dialogue all day and keep me up at night. I take comfort in the connections I have with family and friends who I can speak with so freely, whether we explore the emotions that come with living through this or laugh about something silly. My new role as a mother has provided me with some really strong friendships with other mothers of infants. I hope sooner rather than later this is all a distant memory. Until then, I’ll probably keep waking up a little more tired. We all will. But the bottom line is that we are truly all in this together.

We will get through it together.